


say goodbye (to the holy water life)

by ferryboatsandbowie



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreamsharing, Episode: s02e19 The Dirty Half Dozen, Episode: s03e05 4722 Hours, F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Ward x Simmons Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-19 03:15:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5951709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferryboatsandbowie/pseuds/ferryboatsandbowie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His name is thrumming in her blood and she can’t tell a soul.</p><p> </p><p>Ward x Simmons Winter: Volume IV. <b>Under the Skin</b>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. mercury

**Author's Note:**

> This is my twist on the one sentence meme floating around on tumblr. Each sequence contains a solid one hundred words. You can find the selected words in the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. 
> 
> Title is from UNKLE’S Lonely Soul.

**Dès Vu**

First there’s pain.

Jemma thought she understood the meaning of the word after all that’s happened. But the act itself, the immeasurable feel of the universe digging its claws into her veins— _under_ her skin… It’s unbearable. It’s blinding.

She clutches at her chest, desperate to breathe. She knows he’s felt it by now.

“What the hell?”

Ward pulls at his sleeve with the gun still trained on her. When he stares at her wrist, she barely nods her response. She watches his eyes widen before settling the grip back on his piece.

He says nothing. She lets him walk.

**Socha**

His name is thrumming in her blood and she can’t tell a soul.

There’s a base full of witnesses, yet no one can see her pain. No one can hear her screaming. She wakes more restless than not. He’s in her head… In her dreams.

“They’re not after me like they know.” It wasn’t a question.

She swallows, not saying a word. She doesn’t have to. He knows they don’t… Not about her Mark. Not the dreams. The team has no idea.

He sighs. “I suppose I have you to thank for that.”

She doesn’t ask why. He’d never tell.

**Lachesism**

Jemma doesn’t sleep anymore. It’s the only part of herself she has any control over now. It’s rubbish, she knows. If he wants her badly enough, he’ll just call.

“You haven’t been sleeping.”

She locks the door behind her before taking the bait. “You care?”

“Of course I do.” His voice is gentle in her ears. She hates it. “You’re my soulmate.”

“Tell me where you are,” she says. “We can talk.”

“We both know that’s not what you want. You’re only after Morse.”

“Grant, _please…_ Just let her go. She has nothing to do with this.”

“Go to sleep.”

**Kenopsia**

In space, no one can hear your screams. It takes being dragged across the stars for her to finally believe that.

“No.” She stares at the dual moons, breath catching in her throat. “That’s not possible.”

Jemma paces for hours, collecting a basis of information… The air is breathable. The gravity, strong. No sign of a rising sun.

Despite herself, she sleeps. She doesn’t care that she’ll see him again.

Opening her eyes on the other side of consciousness, she knows it’s wrong. She’s home. She’s _safe_ … But it’s all wrong.

She waits but Grant never shows.

She wakes screaming.

**Avenoir**

The days turn into weeks with no sign of extraction. No sunlight… She eats what she can, drinks _when_ she can. There’s nothing else in these barren wastes apart from sand and sky.  
  
She refuses to die like this. She’s going to get herself out, and she is going to live.  
  
When she gets back, she’ll tell him everything. Then she’ll keep her promise. It might even be impossible… He’s her soulmate. And she’s his, just as much.

It doesn’t matter. She knows none of it matters. Being thrown together like this, it’s some cosmic joke. It’s meaningless.

Nothing is inevitable.


	2. heartbeats

**Anemoia**

Two months she’s been on this miserable planet. _Two_. Eight weeks of running.

Just over thirteen hundred hours surviving.

Jemma runs to keep alive, to keep _awake_. There’s something after her, and for the first time in ages, it has nothing to do with Grant.

She longs for a time that simple… As if it’s ever been _simple_. Maybe before, but there’s no such thing. Not now. Only after.

She might actually miss it. His touch she’ll never know. The years they would never share together.

She misses her rage most. She trusts her rage far more than the fear.

**Ballagàrraidh**

She’ll never belong here, never _dream_ of coming back to this place, but her survival hinges on just two rules.

Act, don’t react. And for the love of god, don’t stop.

She can’t stop. She _won’t_.

It takes lying to herself every time she closes her eyes to sleep, however briefly… Every time she opens her eyes to wake up again.

Eight more left turns. Seven more sand storms. Six more seconds. Five more miles. Four more steps… Three more hours. Two more days. One more breath.

Three months on and she hasn’t stopped.

If she falters, she will die.

**Ambedo**

In her fourth month, she finds shelter. There’s nothing to find inside this hovel but the remains of the previous tenant. He came prepared.

An astronaut, she deduces… One of NASA’s. She finds his suit. Finds his bones.

Why would they do this?

Jemma lays him to rest, reciting what prayers she remembers as a girl. With any hope, he’ll find peace in the next life. She collects his ashes so that she might bring him home when this is all over.

She finds sleep for the first time in weeks. And for the first time in months, she _dreams_.

**Olēka**

She dreams she’s on the Bus. In the cargo bay, at the Slingshot facility. They’re just getting ready to launch.

“What are they sending?” she asks.

“Not my dream,” he says. “You tell me.”

She leans into him and shuts her eyes. He’s so warm, it’s a struggle to remember why she hates him so much. She realizes what’s on the ship. It’s her way out.

“The Monolith.”

He tenses under the weight of the word. “What?”

“The _Monolith_ ,” Jemma stresses. Looking at him, the confusion is plain as day. “It’s in SHIELD custody. Find the Monolith, you find me.”

**Kudoclasm**

They watch the rocket go. There isn’t time, and she tells him so.

“Where are you?”

“A long way from home.”

She’s fixes her gaze on the horizon. The way the colors bleed into each other… She can’t wait to see it. His eyes remain on her. She can feel him watching.

“I’ll be gone soon,” she says.

“ _No_.” Grant wraps an arm around her. “I’m getting you out.”

Jemma touches his cheek. She has to smile at that. Hubris or not, _soulmate_ or not… There may be hope for him yet.

It’s still on her lips when she wakes.

**Onism**

She knows he doesn’t love her. She’s a scientist for god’s sake. He _can’t_. She knows it’s a chemical reaction to their soulbond.

Jemma has to welcome the possibility that he won’t reach her in time… That she’ll die before he finds her. She doesn’t _want_ to let go. She can’t imagine any of these poor souls wanted to let go.

Her friend in the ashes, the astronaut. _His_ team. Any of the others who came before.

She hasn’t lived… She’s barely lived.

She spent nearly a year on that Bus… But it wasn’t enough.

No one’s loved her yet.

**Zenosyne**

Six months.

She knows because the battery on her phone has finally died. Six month charge, courtesy of Fitz… They’re all gone now.

A storm rages outside her oasis. She doesn’t care. She’s past the worst of it, so it doesn’t matter to her anymore.

Time stands still in these quiet moments… Never enough for the grip to loosen on her shiv.

“Don’t give me that,” she scoffs at the helmet beside her. “It’s been hours, fly boy. I’m sure it’s safe enough.”

The astronaut says nothing.

“Point.” Her eyes narrow on the hatch. “I’m going anyway. We need food.”

**Nodus Tollens**

She closes the hatch and covers the frame. Then she’s off.

Her blood runs cold before she can get very far. She knows she’s not alone.

Act. Don’t react. Don’t _stop_.

She steels against the sight of it, not knowing whether it was _It_. As a scientist, she marvels in the possibilities this creature possesses. As a woman, a _survivor…_ Jemma only knows It’s a monster.

With a white knuckle grip on her weapon, she runs.

She only looks back when she drops him. Her astronaut.

“ _No!_ ” she cries.

She doesn’t go back for him. She has to keep moving.

**Astrophe**

That’s when she hears it.

“ _Jemma… Jemma Simmons!_ ”

“How many Jemma’s do you think are on this rock, exactly?”

She’s aware enough to know the monster can’t embody the living.

He came for her.

Ever slowly, armed and ready, she makes her approach.

“Grant,” she rasps. And he startles.

When he turns to face her it’s so natural, like they’ve been there a thousand times before.

His gun on her. Her blade on him.

He’s by her side in seconds. She’s in his arms in less than that.

“I’m taking you home.”

She nods, burying her face against him.

_Home._

**Klexos**

She’s grounded in the hospital for nearly a week. A proper hospital.

They perform tests on tests. Physical. Psychological… Doesn’t matter. It’s a lifetime later and she’s home.

Grant comes for her every day, but neither speak. Not yet. Only in their dreams.

“You can touch me, you know,” she says. “I won’t break.”

He frowns, nodding at the door. “Never when we’re awake.”

“Come on.” She rolls her eyes, making room for him on the bed. “You can’t hurt me in here.”

Grant does as he’s told.

An arm tightens around her before she gives him any direction. She needs him close. He’s warm… He smells like home. He _feels_ like home.

“I’m not ready to forgive you.”

He stills beside her.

“It might even be _impossible_ … But I don’t hate you.” She feels him nod against her, but says nothing. “Why don’t I hate you?”

“Because you can’t,” he says. “For whatever reason, we’re in this together.”

He deftly drops a kiss on whatever skin he can reach. She thinks he means to get at her shoulder, but lands on her neck.

“I love you,” he says.

Jemma watches him for several moments before turning away.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring an additional 100 words on Klexos. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
